When I think of going back and changing the past, I believe the changes would give me a better today or a brighter future. We’ve all said things like; “If I could do it all over again, or, if I only knew then what I know now.” We express those ideas because we long to go back and make wiser decisions. It seems like our life would be better, if; we could prevent people from hurting us, we didn’t waste so much money, we didn’t believe that lie, we never said those hurtful words, we chose a different career, we could avoid being at the wrong place at the wrong time. If you could change one thing from the past, what would it be?
When I remember the past, I have regrets about the people I’ve hurt—especially my wife, Maria. During those early years, I was the type of person who lacked empathy. I didn’t know how to give or receive love. I was cold and indifferent most of the time. I didn’t share my feelings with Maria, and I didn’t show her that I loved her and adored her–I didn’t place her needs above mine. There are many other examples of ways I caused Maria pain and I deeply regret all of them. Nowadays, whenever Maria asks me for something, I rarely say no. Why? I still have regret about the way I treated her at the beginning of our marriage. Yes, I give to Maria out of love, but sometimes regret is underneath my love and generosity. I regret the pain I caused her and I want to make up for it by never telling her no.
Regret can be good if it helps us avoid future mistakes, but sometimes, regret is bad, it can lead to depression, fear, isolating ourselves, or, we give up on life because we think we’re failures. It’s hard to step out in faith if we have regret and we’re afraid of failing again. It’s also hard to trust again when we’ve been hurt. We say to ourselves, “I should have never trusted that person”, maybe we go one step further and say, “I’ll never trust anyone ever again”.
Sometimes, when we remember our faulty past and our hurts, we make decisions out of fear or regret, and we overcompensate to the extreme. Have you ever eaten junk food all weekend long and then said, “all right, that’s it, next week I’m only eating broccoli and crackers?”
On a deeper level, the following wounds caused me fear and regret and I made extreme decisions based on them—perhaps you can relate; I didn’t feel loved during my childhood and I came to believe that there was something wrong with me. I believed I was unlovable. I couldn’t deal with that pain and so I shut myself down emotionally in order not to feel more pain. My decision–I decided to close myself off to people. I didn’t trust anyone and I became shallow and unsympathetic with everyone.
Furthermore, I made more bad decisions. I didn’t like the supposed fact that I was unlovable and so I developed a habit of looking for flaws in other people so I would feel better about myself. I treated other people like they were beneath me. I also used people to try and medicate my pain. This mindset continued into my thirties and into my marriage. One day, GOD led me to look into the mirror of my soul through the lens of His word. I didn’t like what I saw. My inner man was seriously flawed. I had been making excuses for my behavior and I hadn’t taken responsibility for the way I treated people.
I was also carrying a lot of hurt. I realized that I had lost my identity and I feared people knowing the “real” me. My point is, fear and regret are powerful forces and they affect the way we make our decisions. The result? If we always look back at our past mistakes, if we always make decisions based on fear or regret—we can easily lose our identity. Many times, we combine the mistake we just made with all the mistakes of our past and say to ourselves, “I’m a failure, I’m a screw up.” It’s very easy to look into the past and give ourselves, an identity of failure, isn’t it?
Everyone has failures, but Jesus never fails. As a son or daughter of Jesus Christ, your identity is not in your past or in your mistakes, it’s not in your sin and shame—it’s in your future! If you’re with Jesus you’ve already won, regardless of any past mistakes, regardless of any future mistakes, regardless of any past accomplishments and regardless of any future accomplishments! Your identity is not in what you used to be. Your identity is in Christ and what you will be. The Bible says:
Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. 1 John 3:2 NIV
This verse tells us what the finished product of the children of GOD will be. We shall be like Christ, sanctified, immortalized and glorified. The truth is, the best future does not come from changing the past. The best future comes through Jesus Christ! There is something more powerful than the past. There is something more powerful than regret—it’s a future with Jesus Christ! The Holy Spirit told the Apostle Paul to say it this way:
Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-15 NIV
What is the Holy Spirit’s encouragement for us? Don’t look back–look up!
Reflection
Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.…Matthew 11:28-29
What inner wound needs the touch of a Savior?
What regret can you bring to Jesus and lay it at His feet?